Emotional Rejection--Tasting The Pain + Getting Over It
I've experienced one too many rejections in my life for my personal liking, but thus is life. I too, have rejected people, so I know what it's like to be on both ends of the stick. Just last night I had a guy walk up to me in Williamsburg trying to talk to me. I had to tell him the casual, "I'm sorry" and kept walking. He was so confident and kind of cute, but I didn't want to be that woman who got picked up on the street (feel me?).
What affects our psychological well being more? Is it being physically rejected or emotionally rejected? Both are equally painful but I do think emotional rejections hurt a lot more. I, like many had to deal with physical and emotional rejections and from my personal experience it's taken longer for me to get over an emotional let down.
Feeling unwanted or unworthy can lead to self-destructive thoughts. It's a really bad bitter taste. There's tons of side effects to rejection (I've felt most of these and when I have, I know that I'm not myself). Before you feel crazy, know that these are all normal reactions:
- feeling shaky
- having thoughts about running away
- feeling extremely warm
- feeling sick
- lost of appetite
- heavy breathing
- sleep and concentration are affected
As social beings we are taught to please other people so that we are liked and accepted; but in retrospect we end up compromising (rejecting ourselves) to please others. Have you ever stayed in a place where you were not wanted? I have, and I can honestly say I was emotionally rejecting myself. I felt like I rejected myself because I was being self critical and somewhere along the line lost respect for myself and my emotions.
Emotional rejections have the power to compromise our quality of life as it can offset positive emotions about ourselves. It specifically triggers our self-esteem and makes us find faults in ourselves and attack our self-worth (especially when it comes to romantic relationships). Next time you're in a place where you are emotionally rejected remind yourself that it's OK.
Here are a few tips on getting over pain:
- Your feelings are a part of your personal response but don't brood over what happen. It's like repeating the same conversation over and over. It's a broken record. I've done this before and trust me you don't want to do this. Repeating the same thoughts will just make you more angry or more sad.
- If you insist on blaming yourself, focus on the things that were in YOUR control so that you don't make the same mistake again. Don't think about "bad luck", "lack of ability, or that it wasn't "meant to be". These thoughts will make you feel powerless and the goal is for you to gain your power back.
- Find new ways to boost your self-esteem. Guy Winch says that positive affirmations such as "I am worthy of true love" or "I will be a great success at work" are often ineffective for people with low self-esteem. They can even make them feel worse.When statements fall outside the boundaries of people's established beliefs, they reject them.
Don't fear what will come after you close that chapter in your life, you might be making room for happiness, whether it is a new romantic relationship or self discovery.