From Wounds To Wisdom
One evening in October 2013, I sat down and filled out an application to my dream school. Just like f*ck it let’s see what happens. I was down to my last straw. I had been broken, beaten, cheated on, and even had suicidal thoughts. I was living what felt like an episode of Love & Hip Hop (I hate that show by the way). Love triangles, secret lovers, secret children, dropping out of school, deadbeat dads--a living soap opera. Not consciously realizing the reality I was creating for myself, I found myself in the middle of a serious depression. I had been so caught up living in abuse, (pure abuse because what I was living was NOT love), that I had forgotten about my dreams. I forgot about the girl that felt like she had a purpose in this world. I had let my love for a man rather than the love of myself define me. He took over my entire soul and it showed. I gained weight, my relationship with my mother spiraled downhill, my skin broke out like crazy, and my eyebrows were officially caterpillars. I forgot what it was like to feel beautiful and loved. My love for a star-crossed lover blinded my sense of self.
Reminder: your mind, body, and soul work in harmony. If you neglect any, from your mental to your morning routine - the way you treat yourself will show one way or another.
Settling for a relationship that God ultimately didn't want for me only led to more tears, heartache, and absolutely no acceleration towards my dreams. Looking back, I understand that having toxic people in your life is only going to slow you down and keep your life stagnant. The more you resist the divine plan, the more it is going to hurt. The universe will keep showing you a repeated lesson until you let go and learn from it. I was living in depression until I had the revelation that I was solely responsible for the life I was living and that I needed help. I was so fed up of envisioning my dreams in my mind, but not seeing it in my physical reality. It took a spiritual awakening for me to put on some lipstick and keep it f*ckin moving. I had dreams to manifest dammit! I had to make the conscious decision to cherish my soul, practice self-love, and follow my dreams.
It had been a week since I ditched my ‘first love’ and I had written some real, solid goals. My goal is to be a supermodel (crazy, right?) and that meant changing a few things in my life. I cut out social media, fast food, and replaced it with morning runs, meditation, Sex & The City marathons, photo shoots, and a raw vegan diet (which sadly ended when I discovered $1 pizza slices in NYC). Each morning, I began to practice self-love and make the effort to look bomb.com. Before I knew it, I didn't even have time to think about my past. I was so focused on each present moment. Between the new semester, a new job, and modeling, I had zero time left for anything that wasn't contributing to the bigger picture.
Just four months after I submitted my application, I received my acceptance letter to Parsons - my official ticket to NYC. I felt so content and so humbled in happiness. Everything that I was building internally was starting to project onto my outward reality. I began to love myself and indulge in optimism. The universe was responding. In June 2014, I packed a suitcase and bought a bus ticket to the city of dreams. Like millions of other women, I made the pilgrimage to New York City to give myself a chance. I moved to New York City to study Fashion Marketing at Parsons The New School of Design and pursue my modeling career. After going through many life changing and conscious shifting chapters of 2013, "ready for a change" was definitely an understatement.
Fast forward to October 2014; I was living in a loft in Brooklyn, shooting nearly every single day, and surrounded by so much light and divine love. A year later, on the exact date I left the toxic relationship, I was casted to shoot my first national campaign for a company that embraced natural beauty and natural women. One year of self-love had manifested things I could not even dream of. My circumstances were better than anything I could have imagined. I was so grateful that my strength had taken me places my weaknesses would never have.
Now that I've shared a super small chapter of my story, my message to you is to pay attention to your thoughts. Your thoughts control your outward reality. The intention of the dreamer gives the power of the dream itself. Let go of anything that is not on your vibration, your intuitive gifts already know what is right and wrong for you. Sometimes heartbreak is critical for healing. I know that I would not have the strength I do today without going through the storm. And some of us have to go through the darkest times in your life to get where God wants to take you. Your emotions are your most intimate allies in this entire process of manifestation. It's so important to do what feels right, do what you love. Honor your truest self with things and hobbies that you love.
In the midst of our crazy schedules we have to remember to make time for our spirit. You are never alone on this journey and God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers; point blank period. Everything we go through is necessary in this beautiful divine plan we call life. You got this, okay?