I'm Tired Of Hearing "You're Way Too Pretty To Be Gay"

We’ve all heard it. Whether it’s your mother wondering where she went wrong or the lady who loves to small talk every time you walk in Sephora, “you’re too pretty to be gay” is the ultimate trademark statement of being a lady lover. It is one of those comments that compliment the fusion of your parent’s genetic amazement yet completely offend an entire orientation of human sexuality. Are lesbians supposed to be ugly? Last time I checked, Ellen DeGeneres is married to superstar beauty Portia De Rossi. My heart goes out to femmes because they’re accused of not being gay and have to continuously keep coming out of the closet.

You’re pretty enough to do the things that girls like to do like shop, stalk your ex online, unnecessary sunday gossip at the local coffee shop and spend a whole week’s worth of pay at Victoria’s Secret but you’re way too pretty to fantasize about your professor who showed too much cleavage in college. That’s like saying, ice cream is too cute to be in your stomach and fire is too cold. What does one have to do with the other?

Or maybe what they were implying was that it is a shame that you will never be with the opposite sex and generally will not engage in the life-changing experiences that heterosexual relationships go through… like get married and have children, which also isn’t true.

Women are beautiful, every single strand of estrogen in us says so. You’re never too pretty to be down with the ladies.

Well, if we weren’t pretty, how would we hook up with each other?