Sharp Ice: A Short Story

We felt that instant connection most people rarely feel. The experience of meeting a stranger, and yet at the same time feeling an energy of closeness. Music was our catalyst. We found comfort in long talks about Hip Hop, our favorite artists, and the depth that only music can give. Our time together felt like magic. I savored the innocence and purity of simple intimacy. It felt like water; how our chemistry flowed without resistance. I recognized so many synchronicities that my heart even in her fragility said, “this must be love”. It slipped her mind that life had shown her many times before that love could be cruel, it could be distant, and love could also show up as grief. An illusion that I had lived and breathed for months faded before my eyes.

Letting go of this love wasn’t easy.

No prayers or meditations gave me the clarity I begged for.

I walked through a fog, only to find that the truth was always visible.

Guidance From A Higher Self:

My heart held on tightly with determination so powerful she became exhausted.  Exhausted from the uncertainty of the words he spoke that misaligned with his actions. The connection that inspired so much hope, so much positive expectation dwindled. Calls lessened, texts went unanswered frequently, conversations shortened, words got colder. In the darkness, wounds had been uncovered that were never known to exist. Pain had returned and the familiarity of absence took a seat with the inescapable reality that once again, there was a love to mourn.

She knew that this would not return to that blissful place she had lived in blindly. She slowly began to loosen her grip.

The expectations of communication lessened.

The obsessive thoughts lessened.

She realized how much power she had given away.

How her value was directly linked to his actions, or lack thereof. How she questioned her beauty.

How she made space for someone who did not have the capacity to make space for her. 

Still in the darkness, but vaguely seeing light creep in she asked herself one day  “What are you worth? Is your value based on his presence that you can’t ever guarantee?” 

She thought for weeks about value.

She remembered her light. She reminded herself what she brings to this  world. She remembered that she had loved, had been loved and will be loved again. Suddenly, she let go. She felt the heaviness of this love lift from her heart. She felt freedom, clarity and peace. She was thankful for this darkness. Still, out of the darkness she found her light. Her beautiful light.  

Work With Your Grief

Gentle suggestions on healing practices that can provide support:

1. Therapy: Seek out therapists that are trauma-informed and can assist in working through trauma around unhealthy attachment methods. 

2. Journal Prompts: Even for those that do not write as a regular practice, simple journal prompts can provide insight and release around certain issues, such as maintaining boundaries.

You can follow C.Marie on IG @thekikiexperience1